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But I think the real news is in a lit­tle show called Last Call With Car­son Daly. I offer you an imag­in­ing of Carson’s meet­ing with NBC execs.

1 — Car­son dri­ves up the stu­dio gates.

Car­son: Hi, Car­son Daly. I’m here for my 4 o’clock meet­ing with Mr. Graboff.

Guard: Uhhh, your name’s not on the list, sir.

Car­son: Come on, kid. Car­son Daly. I’m a host on your network.

Guard: Oh, I know you. The TRL guy with dumb bitches yelling crazy things dur­ing music videos. Sir, this is NBC stu­dios. MTV’s offices are -

Car­son: You moron, I host a show on your net­work now.

Guard: TRL’s on NBC?

Car­son: No, I host a pro­gram called Last Call with — wait for it — fuck­ing Car­son Daly. That’s me, now open up the fuck­ing gate.

2 — Car­son approaches the Head of Programming’s receptionist. 

Car­son: Hi, I’m a lit­tle late thanks to a mix up with your guards — what is it with those guys? But I’m here for a 4 o’clock meeting.

Recep­tion­ist: Right — lemme check. (She says qui­etly) I’m a big fan.

Car­son: Thank you.

Recep­tion­ist: My boyfriend and I used to love watch­ing The Man Show.

Car­son: Oh, sorry but uhhh -

Recep­tion­ist: (As she reads a note) Oh my god, I’m so embar­rassed. I thought you were Adam Carolla.

Car­son: It’s quite all right.

Recep­tion­ist: It’s right here on the note. I bet it’s won­der­ful work­ing with pup­pies, Mr. Daly.

Car­son: I’m sorry, what?

Marc Graboff opens his doors.

Graboff: Car­son, baby, come on in. You look good. The drugs have you look­ing thin and beau­ti­ful, buddy. Ahh, I’m jok­ing. Just a lit­tle show biz humor, am I right? Okay, stop wast­ing my time, get in here.

Car­son: So, I’ve got a beef with this whole Leno pushback.

Graboff: Don’t even start with me. I’ve been deal­ing with lawyers and reps all day. Besides it’s only affect­ing the late night roster.

Car­son: Yeah, which is my prob­lem. It’s tough enough get­ting view­ers at 1:30, it’s going to be tougher at 2 in morning.

Graboff: It’s just 30 min­utes, bud. The insom­ni­acs won’t kill ya when you sell them dog sweaters at 2 instead of 1:30.

Car­son: What does that mean?

Graboff: No offense, Car­son. It’s just if someone’s going to be up, they’ll wait 30 min­utes to buy your junk.

Car­son: What exactly do you think Last Call with Car­son Daly is?

Graboff: Are you jok­ing? It’s the finest paid pro­gram­ming on our network.

Car­son: You think my show’s a fuck­ing infomer­cial? You think I pay you to be on your net­work? Oh my god!

Graboff: Eh, what do you want me to say?

Car­son: It’s a show where I talk about LA cul­ture and inter­view artists and musi­cians from the under­ground scene. And we like make it look grainy and edgy, and we some­times film parts of it with Flip cams.

Graboff: That sounds like a fuck­ing hor­ri­ble show. I thought you sold dog sweaters.

Car­son: I don’t sell dog sweaters. How have you not seen my show?

Graboff: Well, 1:30, you know, uhhhh, it’s just so darn late. I’m usu­ally tired around mid­night and, uh, I mean to be frank I just don’t care about pro­gram­ming past 7 o’clock. I mean, not even one bit. I can’t even remem­ber the name of the kid host­ing Late Night. Wait, is that you?

Car­son: No, I’m on Last Call. Last Call with Car­son Daly.

Graboff: That is a fuck­ing hideous name for a show. God, who the hell signed off on that? Are we even pay­ing you?

Car­son: Well, no.. I was going to bring that up too. I mean, I’m get­ting behind on my apart­ment bills.

Graboff: You like drugs, right?

Car­son: Uhhh, well, I don’t know if I’m com­fort­able with saying…

Graboff: (laugh­ing) You kids and your drugs. To be hon­est, with the way Cali’s out­putting mar­i­juana these days, it’ll be cheaper for us to pay you in drugs.

Car­son: Thank you.

Graboff: I’m telling you, kid, in my best esti­ma­tion, I think it would be bet­ter if you sold dog sweaters on your show. Peo­ple love dogs in cute cloth­ing — fuck LA cul­ture and indie artists, no one out­side the city lim­its gives a shit. Dog sweaters. Your fame and glory is in adorable cloth­ing for pup­pies. Imag­ine it, kiddo, Puppy Threads with Car­son Daly. How does that sound?

Car­son: How much drugs are we talking?

Graboff: You’ll be so high, you won’t even care what time you’re on.

Car­son: Deal.

Graboff: (laugh­ing) You kids and your drugs.