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You don’t need a degree in criminal justice to realize this is fucking stupid. This poster was put in Manhattan after a homicide was committed. Good, this’ll keep people alert for people with masks and sunglasses, a group too often thought innocent.
Police stupidity never surprises me. I say that only because I’m bitter about my parking tickets, those bastards.
These denim manties are fabulous! These manties have all the comfort of your normal briefs, but will give you a sexy, rugged look. They show that you are a relaxed gentleman, perhaps as if you’re an underdressed Ralph Lauren lounging at your 8-bedroom ranch.
Now let’s review the rules of matching your manties with the proper shirt and pants.
For your bottoms, you’re going to want to avoid jeans unless you’re wearing a lighter pair than your denim manties. Cargo pants won’t work either. Please, are you kidding trying to pull these things off with a pinstripe dress pant? Really the best pants to wear with your manties are no pants. Show off those gorgeous legs!
For your top you’re going to want be bold. Consider some striped suspenders! Now imagine yourself only wearing a matching denim bowtie. Preppy for sure!
After an evening of hanging out with your buddies and drinking beer, no doubt your manties are going to end up on the floor. Be sure when you sober up to soak them in warm water and detergent before hang drying. Proper manty care will keep these undies lasting for months!
Mikey Hicks, 8, is one of the several thousand names on TSA Watch List. The list contains the names of suspected terrorists or suspicious enemies of the state, and most of these people will find themselves under higher scrutiny at airport security checkpoints. Mikey’s mother argues that her child is not a terrorist and should be removed from the list, but that’s only because she doesn’t know Mikey ‘Zwahiri’ Hicks’s real past.
At the age of 1, Mikey was recruited for a special terrorist training program in the dry mountains of Afghanistan. For several weeks, he was taught anti-American propaganda in the videos where cartoons Dora and Diego would carry bombs in their backpacks. The first words out of Mikey’s mouth were “Deaf to the impale Dales,” words that would strike fear into any God-loving, Chevy-truck-buying American.
During the terrible 2s, Mikey was feared by his cohorts. He had choked some to death and fed on them, believing he was digesting their strength and wisdom — you know, what strength and wisdom there is in another 2 year old. For each victim, he tattooed a skull on his fatty arm. This made the other toddler terrorists poop their Pull-Ups with fear, and toddler Mikey could smell that fear…
At the age of 5, Mikey traveled to America to integrate himself with the impale Dales. He had to learn how American children lavished in the luxurious lives, so he could imitate them and live among them. It was so different from the desert dunes he had called home. Children here were hugged, where the only contact Mikey had was when he was doing a sleeper hold on a 10-month old child. A mama, what would life be like with a mama? She looked so foolishly caring for her young. Was she not afraid of her child knifing her while she slept? No… She genuinely loved her baby impale Dale.
Doubts began to fill Mikey’s head. Perhaps these Americans were not unlike him. Perhaps he could learn to enjoy life in America. Would Dora and Diego be disappointed in his weakness? Did it matter since they were cartoons? How long had it been since he changed his diaper? Were the impale Dales starting to notice the smell? And why had no one noticed a baby just standing around in Grand Central Station by himself? (Fucking New Yorkers, he thought.)
Yes, Mikey would have to shame Allah and live a normal baby’s life. And thus Mikey returned to his mama, who thought him missing all these years (eh, she was an alcoholic so she didn’t really notice that he was missing), and baby Mikey Hicks grew up to live a normal boy’s life — with the occasional TSA pat down for explosives of course.
Here it is, ladies and gentlemen, the voicemails that show NBC is struggling to find ground with the late night talk show host Conan O’Brien.
TechCrunch reports that Porn is going 3D! This is probably the most important innovation of the new decade. How has humanity persevered so many years without 3D tits in our face at the low, convenient price of a Blu-ray. To think that my grandfather had to visit brothels to experience the full dimensionality of a pair of bodacious titays! He must be crying in Heaven as he looks down upon me wearing my 3D glasses, jerking my magnificent dick to Bang Slut Castle 58.
This is one of those videos that is so funny because it’s true. I have spent many a night like this, and no joke probably will spend most of tonight up and about. But I love being an insomniac — the night is just so much more peaceful.
According to several of our sources, Shaquille O’Neal was most displeased to find out he had accidentally made out with the wrong Baldwin brother last night during a NBA game between the Cleveland Cavaliers and the Portland Trailblazers.
Shaquille was quoted as saying, “I dove into the crowd to save the ball, and there was was Alec Baldwin, my favorite actor. I told him how much I loved him in The Hunt for Red October. And then I kissed him. It was all so magical.” However when one of the reporters corrected Shaquille by informing the star basketball player that he had in fact kissed Daniel Baldwin.
Shaquille first asked, “who the hell is that?” Then the giant O’Neal preceded to quote lines from Pearl Harbor, the exact lines said by Alec Baldwin. When the reporters corrected O’Neal once more, the 7 ft tall basketball shouted, “he ain’t got no fucking brothers” and smashed all the cameras in the room before storming out.
O’Neal could not be reached for further questioning but a police case is being pursued by several of the reporters that were present.
I think in some countries she would owe him the baby. Sweet, Frenchie, you might’ve won yourself a bravery baby! Put him on your mantle and look on with pride. Source.
The aged felines will have to get their cub meat (read:20 year old penis) on a different cruise line. Carnival says they will not allow a travel agency to book the event again. That’s a damn shame. As a cub myself, I know that cruises are the best places to get into the body shapers of a 40 year old MILF. They get drunk off those pina coladas in the plastic novelty cups, and the waves naturally rock them into you — which is a great conversation starter. “Excuse me, oops! I just got a boner, ma’am…without Viagra.” Then it’s on in your cabin. Or at least, I imagine it that way.
If you ever want to scare the crap out of me, serve me these demon-spawned clown cupcakes. “How does the cupcake taste, sweetie?” “Like fucking John Wayne Gacy, Jr. is trying to murder me from the inside.” The clowns look like they’re wearing straight-jackets, and if you look closely enough the front-right clown has a boner of some kind. Probably hard from killing children in their dreams. (If you want to see a larger, more terrifying version of the photo.)
